A Very Human Convention
by Ardent Aspen
Summary: "What do you mean, you don't have a middle name?" A game of Truth or Dare leads to an unexpected discovery, and once again the Autobots are amazed at the oddity of some human traditions.


**Eh, it just popped into my head a few hours ago, based on the myriad hilarious conversations that my childhood sleepovers tended to have.**

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A Very Human Convention

It had started harmlessly enough—well, as harmless as any game of Truth or Dare can be. In the wake of a successful scouting mission that had yielded a surprisingly untouched cache of energon crystals, the mood of the Autobot base was happy, even a touch celebratory. Ratchet had agreed to allow the children to stay the night, given that it was Friday and they had no academic studies to attend to the following day. Of course, he put up a terrific squall about it at first, just for show, until Miko cajoled Nurse Darby into pleading on their behalf. It was a brilliant tactical maneuver on the part of the young female, who knew full well that there was very little that the old medic could refuse his favorite pupil. After the requisite calls were made to the Esquivel family and Miko's host parents, asking permission to stay over at "the Darby's place", Miko had proceeded to fill the Autobots in on everything they needed to know about sleepovers.

Mainly, junk food, obnoxiously loud music and television, and bizarre games testing one's daring or veracity.

In short, Ratchet had every intention of being conveniently from home that night.

Optimus—brave soul—remained in the central chamber of the base, intent on decoding the Iacon Database. Then again, he had survived countless years with Autobots of all shapes and sizes, some of them _far _more irritating than a handful of human children. Sunstreaker and Sideswipe came to mind, and were summarily banished from all remembrance with a horrified grimace. "This base had better still be standing when I get back!" Ratchet groused good-naturedly as he headed for the Ground Bridge. "What, you're not sticking around?" Jack asked in a teasing tone, "We're watching _Mystery Science Theater 3000_!" The medic shuddered so violently that all his plating rattled. "A show that is neither mysterious nor even _remotely _scientific!" he snapped, "No! I'm leaving while my processor is still intact!" And so he had, leaving the base to Optimus's watchful eye—distracted somewhat by the Database. He had spared a curious glance up only once, and that during the middle of the chosen film of the night (which was _not _the aforementioned _Mystery Science Theater 3000_, only brought up to make Ratchet react). There had been a grand tournament of coin-tossing, which Arcee had won with a delighted shout, to determine who got to pick the movie. She had promptly chosen something about smallish humans with hairy feet and a Ring and Dark Lord and something about the end of the world.

All in all, it had felt rather familiar to the Autobots, and Arcee's playful jab at Bulkhead, comparing him to Gimli, set off a round of character comparisons in which it was decided that Optimus was either Gandalf or Aragorn and nobody could quite decide which. When the movie had ended (and on a _very _dissatisfying note, according to Bumblebee) Bulkhead, Bumblebee and Arcee arranged themselves in a circle surrounding their charges' sleeping bags as Raf turned on an old Coleman lantern he'd brought from home. It was hardly necessary, given that Outpost Omega was constantly lit by some several hundred lights and monitors, but Rafael insisted that it wasn't a real campout without a lantern. The 'Bots had shrugged and put it on their ever-growing list of "strange human conventions". This was when the discussion of pranks had arisen.

Miko had, of course, demanded a game of "Truth or Dare" before settling in for the night. "You first, Arcee!" she crowed gleefully, "Truth or dare?" The blue femme considered for a moment before deciding that any dare Miko could think up was likely to be something she wouldn't be caught dead doing. "Truth," she said cautiously. Miko cackled and rubbed her hands together, making Arcee wonder whether she hadn't made the wrong choice. "Okay, no backing out! Arcee, have you ever kissed anyone?" There was a definite whirring sound as her internal fans kicked on abruptly—there was no way in the Allspark or Pit that she was going to answer that! "If you don't answer, you have to take a daaare!" the offending human chanted in a sing-song voice. "Okay okay! Fine! The answer is yes." Arcee growled, crossing her arms and hunching her shoulders. She completely ignored Bulkhead's incredulous stare and Bumblebee's knowing chuckle. "Who?" Raf asked, looking slightly disgusted. "Huh-uh. That's _two _questions. I answered, now it's my turn!" the femme declared triumphantly.

She tapped a slender servo against her lips in thought for a moment, then smirked. "Bumblebee, truth or dare?" Brashly, the scout chose "dare". Arcee's smile widened. "Alright, I dare you to ask Ratchet how old he is when he gets back." The long, garbled string of beeps and squeals that burst from the panicked youngling's vocoder left the others with little doubt of what he thought of the idea. "No backing out!" Arcee laughed. Bumblebee grumbled something and pointed at Raf. "Uh...truth." the little boy said, adjusting his glasses. Mischievously, his guardian asked something that left the other two Autobots raising their eyebrows incredulously. "I do not!" Raf declared hotly. "You don't what?" Jack asked, "Come on Raf, we can't understand 'Bee like you can." The twelve year old crossed his arms and glared. "I do _not _have a crush on anybody!" he elaborated, "I'm a scientist! I don't have time for that kind of nonsense!" Amid general laughter, he petulantly turned to Miko. "Truth or Dare?" he asked, and the dangerous glint in his round eyes promised a whopper of a question regardless of what choice was made.

"Dare!" Miko said fearlessly, head thrown back in the very picture of boldness. "I dare you to tell us about the most trouble you've ever gotten in!" Raf stated, clearly thinking that this would be something embarrassing. Evidently he'd forgotten who Miko was, because she puffed up like a peacock at the suggestion. Hands splayed apart for emphasis, she began spinning a slightly terrifying yarn involving a gullible younger cousin, an inflatable Totoro, three jars of mayonnaise, and her uncle's favorite hat. The Autobots and the boys listened in fascinated horror as the girl bragged about the bizarre escapade. "And after that, I was put on total technology restriction for five weeks. But then I dyed my hair. And it was glorious." she finished. "Only you would think something like that was _glorious_," Jack sighed, shaking his head. Miko snorted and crossed her arms. "Okay, it's my turn again. Jack! Truth or dare!" Leaning back against Arcee's side, the boy chose truth. "Awwww!" Miko's ponytails drooped. "I was gonna dare you to ask Arcee on a date!" With a yelp, the femme and the human lurched away from each other at the thought. "There is something _seriously _wrong with you!" Arcee declared. Miko snickered, then hastened to come up with a good question. Normally, she would've had a perfect one right away, but she'd spent her whole turn thinking of an embarrassing dare that she hadn't thought of any questions.

"Uh...um..." she fumbled for something to say. "And turn moves to me in ten, nine, eight," Jack began to count down. "What's your full name?" his friend blurted out, then fell back with a groan. "Oh I can _so _do better than that." Bulkhead laughed. "No takebacks! He has to answer that one!" Jack shrugged at them and settled back to the floor again. "That's easy. Jackson Darby." Miko raised an eyebrow elegantly. "No, your _full _name!" Jack frowned a little. "That's what I just said: Jackson Darby." Now Miko rolled her eyes, beginning to be a little frustrated. "Come _on_, Jack! I know Americans have middle names! What, is yours super embarrassing? I bet it is!" Irritated, Jack stood again and shoved his hands into his pockets. "No. My name is Jackson Darby. That's it." On Bumblebee's knee, Raf tilted his head to the side. "You...don't have a middle name? Really? I've got two!" Bulkhead snorted. "Hey, you can have one of Raf's!" Arcee elbowed the Wrecker sharply in the side. "I don't think that's how it works, Bulk." she said dryly. She turned to her human. "Is that a human convention? Are humans required to have a third or fourth name?" Before he could answer, Raf piped up, "Actually, the middle-name thing didn't really start until the 17th century, from what I've heard. I don't really know why though. It's kind of a tradition over here now."

"Oh." Arcee canted her helm down towards Jack. "Why don't you have a middle name? Did June just decide it would be easier if you only had two?" The boy squirmed a little uncomfortably. "No, that's...look, can we just forget about it?" he asked, "It's not that big a deal." Surprisingly, Miko agreed with him. "I mean, _I _don't have a middle name either! Of course, that's more because it just wasn't something we did back home. I kind of want one though..." Suddenly her eyes lit up. "I've got an idea! Let's pick middle names for me and Jack!" Jack raised an eyebrow, then turned to glance up at the catwalk where June was leaning on the railing, listening to the conversation with a strange look on her face. She made a noncommittal gesture and turned away. Miko ducked her head a little, looking vaguely sheepish. "Uh oh, what'd I do?" Jack debated with himself for several minutes over whether to say anything or not, but finally decided, _What's the worst that could happen? It's not that big a deal._ and answered, "My dad was supposed to pick my middle name. When I was born, I mean. He, ah, ...he didn't."

"Oh." the collective mood of the slumber party dampened, each feeling a trifle embarrassed at the possibility of having brought up painful memories. Jack sighed, shoulders slumping. "Look, I already said it's not that big a deal to me. I mean, yeah, I kind of do want a "full" full name, but I'm not crying because I don't. Now...what kind of middle name do you want, Miko?" his ploy to change the dismal atmosphere was successful and the other teen instantly brightened. "Something Wrecker-ish!" she declared. Arcee snorted. "Surprise, surprise." After "Smash-up", "Slasher", and "the Intimidator" were heartily rejected by the group, Miko pouted and put forth one last suggestion. "How about Requiem?" The others shrugged, looking a little wary. "That's my final offer. Requiem or the Intimidator." Miko said by way of ultimatum. "I like Requiem!" Bulkhead said quickly. No one was keen on the idea of having to shout, "Miko the Intimidator Nakadai" every time she did something reckless. Bumblebee cheerfully reminded the girl that now that she'd chosen her own middle name, if she got sick of it later, it was her own fault.

"Now it's your turn!" Miko ignored the warning and turned to Jack. "Cybertronian name or human?" With an easy grin, Jack flopped down on his sleeping back and covered his eyes with one arm. "I'm more interested in hearing what you guys come up with than actually choosing one. Fire away."

"Um...Jarvis." "Absolutely not. I'll have Tony Stark ordering me around."

"David?" "...nah."

"Longbow." Jack uncovered his eyes and squinted at Bulkhead. "Do I _look _ like an archer to you?" The green mech shrugged expressively.

"Bee says he thinks you look like a Jackson Patrick Darby," Raf chimed in. Jack flapped his hand back and forth in a "so-so" gesture. "Meh. Keep going."

Arcee leaned forward. "Bob." Jack shot up. "What? Why Bob?" The femme giggled. "I don't know, but Bob." Miko looked aghast. "Arcee, we are _not _calling him Bob. There are plenty of awesome Bobs out there, but Jack definitely isn't a Bob." "No, I'm a Jackson, in case you forgot." the subject of the conversation said in a mildly sarcastic tone. Raf jokingly offered "Doctor" as a middle name and after that there were no serious suggestions. The silly contestants ran the gamut from "Drift" to "Piledriver" before Bumblebee offered one last name. Gasping, tears streaming from his eyes, Raf translated, "He said—he said—oh I can't do it!" Giggling, he held his sides and flopped back against yellow armor. "He said _Lancelot_!"

The expression of sheer horror on both Jack _and _June's faces sent the party into gales of laughter again, especially once the other two Autobots looked up the reference on the Internet. "Have to say, Jack, I'd never pegged you for the "knight in shining armor" type!" Arcee teased, poking him in the ribs. The boy mock-glared up at Bumblebee. "You're _terrible_!" he declared. The scout punched the air with a cheerful whoop. "Okay, that's enough you guys," June marched down the stairs and began confiscating junk food. "It's time for bed. Come on, into the sleeping bags." There was a concerted moan of protest from kids and 'Bots alike. The nurse looked at them strangely. "I never said _you _three had to go to bed." Bulkhead stood up. "Ha HA!" he laughed. Miko groaned. "Not fair!" June ignored her protests and shut off the lantern. "Arcee, would you please dim the base lights so these three can sleep?" she asked. The blue mini-bot smiled and moved to acquiesce. The base fell into a faint blue glow, perpetuated by the screens, and the 'Bots moved out of the room and into the back of the base for sparring practice.

All was silent for a while, save for the click of Optimus's servos against the keys and the soft ripple and snap as June turned a page in her novel. Then, out of the quiet, a little voice whispered, "_Lancelot_." There were muffled giggles and the three attempted to shush each other—which of course, only led to more snickering. "_No._" Jack tried to sound firm and decisive. More whispery giggles, and then, "_How about Percival? We could call you Jack Percy! Oooh! Or Percy Jackson!_" Raf had to shove his blanket into his mouth after Miko's "epiphany", almost choking on his laughter. "_No! A thousand times, no!_" Jack reached over with his pillow and smacked Miko across the back of the head. "Oh, it's _on!_" She sat up with her own pillow, ready for battle. Then—"A-hem!" Mrs. Darby glanced up sternly from her book, and the two teens hurriedly lay down again. Again, there were several long minutes of quiet, but eventually someone started whispering names again. "_Charlemagne._" "_No way."_

"_Gawain?_" "_Not even close._"

"_Childe Roland?"_ "Raf, go to sleep!"

"Have you considered the name Arthur?"

All three children sat bolt upright, startled. The soft glow of Optimus's optics met their eyes in the semi-darkness. "Sorry?" Jack sputtered, caught completely off-guard. There was mild curiosity in the gaze, as well as a faint hint of amusement. "I said, have you considered the name Arthur? If memory serves, it is the designation of a prominent figure in the human myths your other suggestions originated from." Miko dropped to her pillow again with a groan. "Aww! But it's so _normal _compared to the other ones!" Jack snorted at the notion. "And just what is _normal_ these days, Miko?" Raf chuckled a little and squirmed back down into his sleeping bag. "We didn't mean to bother you, Optimus. We'll go to sleep now." The Prime nodded. "You haven't disturbed me, Rafael, but it would be best if you all rested. It is quite late by human standards." With sheepish smiles and mumbled apologies, the three settled under their blankets and and made themselves comfortable. "Goodnight, Optimus," Raf called brightly.

Optimus stifled a chuckle and replied, "Goodnight, children." He turned back to his screen, remembering a time when it had been a similarly young Bumblebee loudly wishing everyone on the _Ark_ a pleasant recharge...by name...individually. June hid a smile behind her novel as the adrenalin rush abruptly departed, leaving all three of the young ones breathing deeply in a matter of minutes. She looked up at Optimus and leaned back in the swivel chair. "Arthur, huh?" There was a slight twitch of scarlet plating at the mighty being's shoulders in a vague approximation of a shrug. "Perhaps." there was still the barest touch of humor in the resonant voice, enough to let the woman know that it was only half-meant. Still, she pondered the name. _Arthur_. "Jackson Arthur Darby..." she murmured aloud. "Hm. It has a certain ring to it, I suppose." She chuckled and returned to her book, shaking her head. "Lancelot _indeed_."

Optimus raised an eyebrow without looking up as he continued to decode the database. He personally did not see the need for a human to have _three _or more names. Most Autobots didn't even have _two_, with himself being an exception. He did wonder why the children seemed so intent on choosing a name from European mythology, but he'd categorized it as "human convention" and put forth a suggestion of his own that he thought rather more fitting than "Percival" or "Lancelot". Humans, Optimus decided, were very strange creatures. But he wouldn't trade their friendship for the Allspark itself.


End file.
